Confession

Recently, my whole perspective of life is disorganised, disoriented, and all dis dis dis.

I don't know why, maybe the climax that triggers me to write this entry is because of today we got some piece of  her mind about us. I feel hurt and sad. But, it must have been hard for that person too. To tell the hurtful fact ( i guess)

I'm not coming from a very rich family, and i am not so smart, or intelligent either. I admit that the first sem, i was a bit behind, waaay left behind. I couldn't catch up the lesson as quickly as others, furthermore that i quite dislike kira2, calculation, so technically, i am not in favour of math, physic and chemistry.

I did try my very best, i did some effort, but, i know, i realise its not enough.
Jumpa lecturer pun boleh kira dengan jari, so, nampak la kan effort masih kurang di situ, but at least i try....
And last sem, my pointer, tak la sebaik kawan2 ku, tak juga sebaik org kelas ku. Cukup ja la, lepas 3.

Aku sedar la aku tak pandai sangat, aku dah lama sedar, dan aku sedang melakukan perubahan.
Ya, betul cakap anda, sedangkan bersaing sesama orang kelas pun tak mampu, macam mana mau bersaing dengan satu Malaysia kan?
That very sentence touch my heart. SGT...

Maybe perubahan yg aku buat tak cukup.. dan memang salah aku tak jumpa lecturer kalau tak paham. Schedule punya susunan mengurangkan possibility untuk jumpa lecturer, bukan aku tak nak jumpa. Dan, aku tak benci lecturer2 aku. Aku sayang, aku hormat dorg. Tapi, maafkan kami andai perbuatan kami mengguris hatimu. Aku, serius tak pernah benci.

Aku takut bila kena marah, aku rasa aku lagi sanggup kena tampar or kena pukul, jangan lah marah. Dan, janganlah menangis, sebab aku pun rasa macam mo nangis juga.

Ya, kami, or aku yg salah...memang pun. Lecturer tak ada salah langsung, serius. Mungkin aku malas, capacity otak lagi, aku memang lambat faham, tapi aku tak abandoned altogether juga. Aku tak tau da apa aku merepek.

Point penting, aku try juga untuk dapatkan carry mark tinggi, sebab aku tau aku ne tak la hebat sgt tuk perform final